“I don’t know. . . . We shall have to work out our future happiness by suffering; pay for it somehow by fresh miseries. Everything is purified by suffering . . . Oh, Vanya, how much pain there is in the world!&rdquo　University partnership;
I was silent and looked at her thoughtfully.
“Why do you look at me like that, Alyosha — I mean Vanya!” she said, smiling at her own mistake.
“I am looking at your smile, Natasha. Where did you get it? You used not to smile like that.”
“Why, what is there in my smile?
“The old , it’s true. . . . But when you smile it seems as though your heart were aching dreadfully. You’ve grown thinner, Natasha, and your hair seems thicker. . . . What dress have you got on? You used to wear that at home, didn’t you?”
“How you love me, Vanya,” she said, looking at me affectionately. “And what about you? What are you doing? How are things going with you?”
“Just the same, I’m still writing my novel. But it’s difficult, I can’t get on. The inspiration’s dried up. I dare say I could knock it off somehow, and it might turn out interesting. But it’s a pity to spoil a good idea. It’s a favourite idea of mine. But it must be ready in time for the magazine. I’ve even thought of throwing up the novel, and knocking off a short story, something light and graceful, and without a trace of pessimism. Quite without a trace. . . . Everyone ought to be cheerful and happy.”
“You’re such a hard worker, you poor boy! And how about Smith?”
“But Smith’s dead.&rdquodermes;
“And he hasn’t haunted you? I tell you seriously, Vanya, you’re ill and your nerves are out of order; you’re always lost in such dreams. When you told me about taking that room I noticed it in you. So the room’s damp, not nice?”
“Yes, I had an adventure there this evening. . . . But I’ll tell you about it afterwards.”
She had left off listening and was sitting plunged in deep thought.
“I don’t know how I could have left them then. I was in a fever,” she added at last, looking at me with an expression that did not seem to expect an answer.
If I had spoken to her at that moment she would not have heard me.
“Vanya,” she said in a voice hardly audible, “I asked you to come for a reason.”
“What is it?”
“I am parting from him.”